child specialist

the kids

It can be painful to transition to two households as a result of divorce; and even once settled, it can be hard to move back and forth between two homes and two parenting styles.

Change is anxiety-producing for most people, at any age. And, as good parents, you know to make your kids’ well-being the priority.  When kids know their concerns are prioritized, they do just fine, whether they live in one household or two.   

In the role of child specialist, we’re available to you and your co-parent for concerns about what’s best for your kids.  In that process, we can meet with the kids to hear their very important perspective.

common concerns

We can help you think through how to talk to your kids about divorce, suggest ways to protect your kids from any conflict that arises between the parents, and support you in improving your communication as co-parents.

Once in separate households, you may have different approaches to your kids’ behavior, or there can be difficulties in relationships with adults and other kids in blended families. 

And then on the very practical level, you may need to make a change in your placement plan, have a conflict about how to exchange placement time, or need a facilitated conversation about how this year’s holidays are going to work.

In any of those situations, for a variety of reasons, it might seem right for the child specialist to have a conversation with the kids, to take in their perspective. And then we communicate that back to you, to support you in your approach.

including the kids (and protecting them, too)

Good parents know to not over-involve their kids in the details of adult relationship matters, and kids shouldn’t have the same responsibility for decision-making as their parents.   We’ll always start with a meeting or two just with the adults, and work to arrive at common ground.

We’ll determine together if it feels right to have a meeting with your kids together or individually, without the parents in the room, so that the kids can share their concerns, questions, and hopes.

The kids have their stress with a change in family structure, and the kids know their parents have stress too.  It can sometimes be hard for kids to share their concerns with their parents about situations that are stressful on parent; the kids want their grown-ups to feel ok too.

When it’s right to meet with your kids, we’ll be fully neutral, help them be comfortable, and get their input on the form their new life is taking, or on the matter at hand.

Parents sometimes feel hesitant to bring their kids in to talk to someone they haven’t met before to discuss personal topics, but kids almost always welcome the opportunity to share. The freedom of talking to a completely neutral adult protects kids from their concerns about adding worry to their parents’ lives.

the process

We usually meet with the parents or other adults involved together or separately to understand everyone’s perspective on the concern at hand. Sometimes step-parents or grandparents are an important part of what’s happening; and it can also sometimes be helpful to obtain information from professionals in the mix, such as attorneys or therapists.

Then we meet with the kids, together or separately, usually for just one 50-minute session, or maybe two.  After meeting with the kids we communicate with you as parents, to share the kids’ input and provide perspective on how that input may be incorporated into the next steps in your process. 

We’re available along the way for the variety of concerns that come up, and are happy to work with you in any configuration of family members that supports you in working things out.