co-parenting counseling

parenting in two households

Everyone wants their kids to feel loved and successful. Co-parenting can be difficult even when parents are in one household. Post-divorce, you might feel challenged by:

• not having control over what’s happening in your kids’ other home

• disagreements about parenting

• relationship complications in blended families

As parents, you know your kids better than anyone else does. Still, it can sometimes be hard to see what’s needed from the center of the dynamic. When you and your co-parent need help navigating your different approaches to concerns, want support blending two households, or want to improve family relationships, conflict can be reduced by having conversations facilitated by a neutral professional that can observe the dynamic from outside the relationship. 

managing interactions with an ex

When you have kids, your relationship doesn’t end at divorce. While some of the tension between spouses might be relieved by living in separate households, there is a need to divide responsibilities in a new way and to communicate well about your kids’ schooling, extra-curricular activities and medical care. There may be differences in how the two households are run, or there may be new relationships with significant others or step-siblings to navigate.

In parenting work, we always prioritize the best interests of the child, and help parents understand and implement effective strategies.

making post-judgement changes

Some difficulties are interpersonal, and some are related to the parenting plan agreement you made as part of your MSA. Circumstances change over time, as do kids and parents’ needs, and sometimes those agreements need to be updated.

While it’s possible to file a motion with the court for changes related to placement, for example, it’s also possible to work those agreements out between co-parents with facilitation from a third party. A collaborative approach can be less time-consuming, less expensive, and less conflictual than a two-attorney route.

co-parenting services

Coaching, Mediation, and Parent-Coordination are three levels of support that offer increasing amounts of direction and intervention.

coaching

In a coaching relationship, we support you in finding your way forward with a new way of doing things. Coaching assumes that you can both take suggestions and implement them in your relationship with each other, and with your kids, with minimal conflict and a low need for accountability. You can rely on coaching for ideas to solve current practical or emotional concerns; and come back from time to time, when new concerns arise.

mediation

Mediation can serve when one or both parents recognize that you need a change to the parenting plan part of your MSA. Maybe placement needs to change, the way you’ve set up your approach to holidays could be better, or you need to talk about how you are approaching or reconciling your variable expenses. It could be that you are having difficulty with a decision that you need to make jointly related to a medical or academic concern. You might be at a decision point about where one of your children goes to school or summer camp, or need to have conversation about an approach to a child’s health care needs.

Mediators remain neutral while facilitating these sometimes emotional conversations. We can work together with you in the same room (or zoom room!); or if you experience a higher level of stress and conflict when conversing directly, we can go back and forth between you, presenting your concerns and preferences to each other. Either way, the goal is to find common ground and arrive at your new agreement or land on your decision.

parent coordination

Parent Coordination is used in situations of higher conflict, as the Parent Coordinator takes in the information about a situation and makes the decision for the family. 

Conflict between divorced parents affects kids’ stress levels, and can be challenging to kids’ feelings of loyalty to both parents. Kids don’t need their parents to love each other, they just need their parents to love them!

If the level of conflict you experience in your relationship is so high that you are unable to see each others’ points of view, or you are so far apart in your positions that it feels like there is no common ground, a parent coordinator takes in all the information regarding a situation and makes a decision for your family, maintaining the kids’ well-being as the priority.